day 1667 and ruzzia still thinks its running the empire speedrun, but the only thing theyre breaking records for is how fast you can turn a petrostate into a gas station with no gas. lets talk fuel shortages, sanctions, ukraine’s daily “oops another refinery exploded,” and why the only thing running smooth in russia is the bullshit conveyor at channel one.
fuel crisis: now with extra cope
if your lada actually starts and you find a full tank, congrats, you just hit the russian lottery. gasoline shortages are everywhere, not just some frozen village. tyumen, the so-called oil and gas capital, is bone dry. babushkas out here side-eyeing empty jerry cans like theyre about to mug the next guy with a drop of 92. in saratov, penza, surgut, half the volga, stations are either dry or rationing like its stalingrad. want to fill up? hope you like road trips, because you might be driving 50 km just to find a pump with anything left. and when you get there, expect a line longer than putin’s list of imaginary friends.
why? because ukraine’s drone hobby is now “turn every russian refinery into swiss cheese.” every week, another big refinery goes offline. perm, yaroslavl, leningrad, nizhny novgorod—these are the heavyweights, not some backwater. production’s down to 70% of what russia needs, and that’s before you count the ones that need repairs but cant get them because, surprise, sanctions mean no spare parts. the regime keeps promising theyll “fix logistics” and “normalize supply,” but the only thing theyre normalizing is disappointment.
the official line is always “everything’s under control.” sure, if by control you mean “we control how much you suffer.” they keep announcing “relaxations” on fuel limits in some regions, like its a gift, but its just because the black market’s already doing better business than the state. omsk, samara, wherever—one day you get 40 liters, next day its a free-for-all, then back to rationing. its musical chairs, except the music is a siren and the chairs are all on fire.
prices up, patience down, propaganda up
prices are spiking in 53 regions. not a typo. fifty-three. and its not just drivers feeling it. tractors are sitting idle, tow trucks are parked, and if youre a farmer in saratov or rostov, good luck getting your harvest in before it rots. the only thing growing faster than the price of gas is the number of angry telegram posts from z-bloggers who just discovered what “market economy” means when you’re sanctioned into the stone age.
but dont worry, the regime’s got a plan: just keep lying. rosneft’s sechin pops up to say “no stations are closed, prices are stable.” meanwhile, people are posting videos of kilometer-long lines and empty pumps. lukoil’s only selling to people with special fuel cards, and even then, only sometimes, only somewhere. gazprom’s supposed to be restocking stations, but nobody’s seen a drop. its like schrodinger’s gasoline—maybe its there, maybe its not, but you definitely cant use it.
the only thing more empty than their fuel tanks is their promises.
and this is just the fuel. sanctions 2.0 are coming, and the kremlin’s sweating like a conscript at a mobilization office. every time russia finds a new way to dodge sanctions—shell companies, shadow fleets, “friendly” countries—the loophole gets closed, and the regime has to get even dumber and more desperate. import substitution? yeah, thats why “made in russia” is now a warning label, not a selling point. the only thing theyre substituting is hope for cope.
regions: broke, busted, and begging
the regions are getting it worst. moscow and st. petersburg will always get the last drops, but out in the sticks, its a different story. budgets are drying up faster than the volga in august. tax revenues are down, costs are up, and the only thing local governors can do is beg the center for handouts. but the center’s broke too, because war is expensive and the only thing russia exports now is excuses and dead conscripts. social programs? cut. infrastructure? rotting. hospitals? good luck. the only thing getting built is more fences around military recruitment offices.
meanwhile, ukraine’s offensive keeps rolling. every time a z-blogger claims “the front is stabilized,” another russian unit gets smoked near lyman or avdiivka. the regime’s answer? more mobilization rumors, more “partial” drafts, more promises that “the war will be over by spring.” which spring, they never say. maybe the one after the next presidential election, maybe the one after the next fuel crisis, maybe never. the only thing for sure is that the meat grinder needs fresh meat, and the propaganda machine needs fresh lies.
- budgets down, costs up, handouts begged
- social programs cut, infrastructure rotting, hospitals collapsing
- more fences, more mobilization, more excuses
numb nation: the russian dream is just not caring
lets talk about the mood on the street. youd think people would be pissed, but the levada center says the number of russians feeling “tension, irritation, fear, or sadness” is actually going down. not because things are getting better, but because everyone’s just numb. when you’ve been standing in line for gas, bread, and bullshit for two years straight, you stop caring. the regime’s betting on that—keep people tired, keep them distracted, keep them just comfortable enough to not riot. its the russian dream: a lada that starts, a neighbor who’s poorer than you, and a tv that tells you its all nato’s fault.
but even that’s starting to crack. the propaganda’s getting weirder. kiselev’s having neural breakdowns on air, putin’s hallucinating about “multipolarity” while the black sea fleet is busy learning to swim. every time the regime tries to spin a win, reality drags them back. “we’re exporting more oil than ever!” sure, but at a discount so steep even india’s laughing. “our economy is resilient!” yeah, if you count resilience as “not dead yet.” “we’re denazifying ukraine!” bro, the president of ukraine is jewish and you’re still stuck on that line? get new material.
elite panic, brain drain, and the race to the bottom
the kremlin’s infighting is getting spicy. the siloviki are all side-eyeing each other, the technocrats are praying for a miracle, and the oligarchs are moving their yachts to places with fewer extradition treaties. the only thing uniting them is the fear of what happens when the music stops. spoiler: it’s not going to be pretty.
lets not forget the brain drain. anyone with a diploma, a passport, and a pulse is either gone or planning to go. the tech sector? ukraine’s eating their lunch. russian startups are either dead or pretending to be kazakh, and the only innovation coming out of moscow is new ways to fudge statistics. the best and brightest are now working for someone else, somewhere else, and the only people left are the ones too broke, too old, or too brainwashed to leave.
so whats the endgame? the regime’s hoping to outlast the west, outwait ukraine, and outgaslight its own people. but the cracks are everywhere. the fuel crisis isn’t going away, sanctions are only getting tighter, the regions are running on empty, and the war is bleeding them dry. the propaganda machine cant keep up with the reality on the ground, and every new lie just makes the next disappointment hit harder.
- siloviki infighting
- oligarchs fleeing
- brain drain accelerating
- startups dying or faking it
the circus rolls on, but the pies are gone
ukraine’s not stopping. every day the front moves a little, every week another russian asset goes boom, every month the regime has to explain why things are worse but “actually a sign of strength.” the only thing russia’s winning is the race to the bottom, and even that’s starting to look like a group project with north korea.
so yeah, day 1667. russia’s out here threatening the world every tuesday, but cant keep gas in tyumen or tractors in the fields. the only thing more empty than their fuel tanks is their promises. the circus keeps rolling, but the clowns are running out of pies. and ill be here, popcorn in hand, collecting vatnik cope like its going out of style.
imagine being the oil capital of the world and still having to carpool to the breadline. ruzzia, you absolute speedrunners.
