Putin wants peace the same way I want a Lada with AC and no rust, which is to say, it’s a fantasy that only gets funnier the more you say it out loud. So when Jared Kushner pops up at a Kyiv forum and claims the Kremlin is just dying for a compromise, the whole room cracks up, because even the coat racks know that “Russian peace plan” means “give us your land and maybe we’ll stop bombing your hospitals for a week.” The only thing more delusional than this “plan” is thinking Trump’s gonna waltz in and fix it by telling Ukraine to hand over Donbas like it’s a spare set of keys.
Meanwhile, back in the motherland, Taganrog just ran out of air defense. Not “ran low,” not “had a hiccup,” just straight up empty. The second army of the world is now the second army of “please don’t drone us, we’re out of missiles and the conscripts are hiding in the bushes.” Every time Ukraine drops another Shahed or whatever on a Russian airbase, the Z-bloggers do their usual routine: first, “it’s all under control,” then “it’s a NATO attack,” then “actually, we never needed that base anyway.” The only thing Russia’s got in surplus is cope and Telegram channels screaming about “red lines” that get moved more than the goalposts at a kids’ soccer game.
And if you thought the frontlines were a mess, wait till you see the gas stations. Saratov, Rostov, Samara - no fuel, no tractors, no ambulances, just a lot of angry dudes with empty jerry cans and even emptier wallets. The Kremlin’s answer? Pretend it’s a Western plot, blame the refinery workers, and pray nobody remembers that half the oil is getting smuggled out to pay for Iranian drones and some oligarch’s third yacht. The only thing moving in half these regions is the line at the bus stop, and even that’s mostly people trying to figure out if the next bus is going to Ukraine or just nowhere.
But hey, there’s always a new “way to end the war.” This week’s genius idea: let Russia keep what it stole, call it peace, and everyone goes home. Except, plot twist, Ukraine’s not buying it, because they’ve seen this movie before and it always ends with more graves and another round of “special operations.” The only real way out is for Russia to pack up, go home, and maybe fix the roads before the next generation of conscripts has to drive to the border in a car that doesn’t explode on impact.
So yeah, 1663 days in, the “peace plans” are just new ways to say “surrender,” the air defense is as empty as the supermarket vodka shelf, and the only thing running on time is the propaganda machine. But don’t worry, the regime swears it’s all going according to plan. Just don’t ask what the plan is, unless you like fairy tales and ration cards.
