russian tv is drooling over the houthis doing a 100km sprint in yemen like they just watched the birth of modern warfare. apparently if you roll up to a port city while the other side is busy fighting over rice, you too can become the new blueprint for unstoppable might. the kremlin propaganda machine is calling it a masterclass, but lets be real, its just what happens when youre the only guy in the desert with a full tank.
the port city fantasy
the houthis grabbed el-mokha, which sits right on the bab-el-mandeb strait. this spot is basically the bouncer for the suez canal, so whoever holds it can mess with shipping between europe and asia. naturally, russian channels are foaming about “proxy power” and “asymmetric victories.” never mind that the houthis are not exactly fighting the 82nd airborne out there, more like some dudes with rusty aks and a prayer.
the kremlin loves to hype up any move that looks like it could annoy the west, even if the actual military genius is just “show up while nobody’s home.” but hey, if the bar is that low, every gas station robbery is a tactical breakthrough.
the only thing getting “controlled” here is the narrative, and even that’s on shaky legs.
blitz envy and cope olympics
the real comedy starts when z-bloggers start drawing lines between this and their own “blitzes.” theyre like, “see comrades, you can move 100km in a day and take a city, why cant we do that in ukraine?” bro, maybe because you’re not fighting a bunch of starving militias with aks from the 80s. you’re up against a modern army with drones, himars, and a population that would rather eat glass than get “liberated” by guys who steal washing machines.
russian channels act like maneuver warfare is just a matter of willpower, not logistics, tech, or the fact that ukraine actually shoots back. but go off, i guess, keep dreaming about your own desert blitz while your tanks get stuck in mud and your conscripts get lost in a potato field.
perim island: death star or rusty slingshot
now theyre hyping up the perim island flex, 20km off africa, as if the houthis just built the death star. in reality, its more like a rusty slingshot. sure, they can lob rockets at ships passing through the strait, but its not exactly world domination. shipping gets annoyed, insurance rates go up, but nobody’s bowing to the new overlords.
the only real “power projection” here is in the telegram chats, where every minor move gets spun as a global checkmate. meanwhile, the only thing russia is projecting is how desperate they are for a win, even if its by proxy, even if its just a bunch of barefoot rebels with iranian hand-me-downs.
proxy wars and the art of outsourcing failure
russian z-bloggers are spinning this as proof the “west is weak” and “proxy wars are the future.” yeah, nothing says strength like outsourcing your wars to rebels who might switch sides the second someone else offers a better deal. meanwhile, the kremlin cant even get its own troops across a river without losing half their gear to mud and friendly fire.
lets be honest, the houthis pulled off a fast move because the conditions let them, not because they unlocked some secret military sauce. russian propaganda is just desperate for a win, any win, even if its someone else’s. if the dream is to be the world’s best at fighting unarmed fishermen, maybe theyre onto something.
bottom line, its just another episode of “look how easy it is when nobodys shooting back.” russia watches a desert sprint and calls it a revolution in warfare, but cant explain why their own “unstoppable might” keeps getting stopped by a cornfield and a drone with a grudge.
russian victory tour: now featuring other peoples wars, because their own are stuck in traffic.
