day 1665 and the circus is still in town, only now the clowns are unionizing and the ringmaster’s got radiation poisoning. ruzzia’s war is still a reality show with more plot twists than a telenovela, starring dead generals, pissed-off miners, and trump trying to sell nuclear blackmail like it’s a new crypto scam. lets break down the latest episode of “how not to run a war or a country,” starring the world’s most radioactive has-beens and a front line that moves faster than russian excuses.
liman: tactical withdrawal, again
ukrainian forces are pushing near liman and the only thing moving faster than the front is the speed at which russian telegram channels go from “we’re advancing” to “it was a tactical withdrawal, actually.” every time ukraine shows up, the z-bloggers start their cope olympics: “it’s a feint, it’s a trap, we’re luring them in.” bro, you’ve been luring them in for two years and all you caught was a himars strike and a new set of craters.
the only thing more consistent than russian “strategic withdrawals” is the way they pretend losing ground is part of the plan. if this is the plan, i want to see the napkin it was written on, because it’s probably got vodka stains and a doodle of a tank stuck in a swamp. russian maps are doing more cardio than their conscripts.
every russian victory gets announced from a town 600 km from the town they actually lost. those maps are doing serious cardio.
donetsk miners: done digging for putin
meanwhile, the donetsk miners are finally done playing extras in putin’s war movie. these guys have been getting shafted since the ussr, but now even they’re tired of being told to dig coal for a regime that can’t keep the lights on in moscow. the kremlin’s been milking donbas for decades, promising “russian world” and delivering unpaid wages, broken equipment, and conscription papers.
now the miners are out in the streets, and suddenly the local “authorities” are realizing you can’t run a war machine on empty promises and expired rations. watching the donetsk bosses panic is like watching a landlord realize the tenants have figured out how to change the locks. the regime’s answer? more propaganda, more threats, maybe a new “patriotic” song on tv. spoiler: you can’t eat a song, and you can’t pay rent with a z patch.
dead generals and the kremlin’s obituary writers
as if the vibes weren’t cursed enough, another russian general just clocked out for good. the kremlin’s been burning through generals like they’re trying to speedrun the entire soviet officer corps. every time one of these guys bites it, the propaganda machine goes into overdrive: “he died heroically, he was a legend, he personally destroyed 17 leopards with his bare hands.” sure, and i’m the queen of england.
truth is, half these “generals” are either tiktok cosplayers or guys who got promoted because they survived last week’s friendly fire. the russian army’s bench is so thin, they’re gonna have to start promoting the guys who run the washing machine theft logistics. at this point, the only thing more dangerous than being a russian general is being the guy who has to write their obituaries without laughing.
international clown car: trump, kushner, and n-rhetoric
lets not forget the international clown car, now featuring trump, who’s back on his “n-rhetoric” grind. every time he opens his mouth about ukraine, you can hear the kremlin’s pr team popping champagne. trump’s latest bit is calling nuclear threats “n-rhetoric” like he’s trying to make it sound cute and harmless. sorry, donnie, but you can’t rebrand nuclear blackmail like it’s a new flavor of diet coke.
the timing is always sus: putin drops a nuke threat the same day as the un general assembly, russian drones start buzzing scandinavia, and suddenly the russian rep at the security council is quoting jd vance and whining about “infecting trump with russophobia.” bro, trump’s been mainlining kremlin talking points since 2016, he’s not catching anything new.
meanwhile, jared kushner pops up at the yalta european strategy forum and tries to sell the room on “putin wants peace.” the crowd laughs, because even in kyiv, nobody’s buying that snake oil. kushner’s big idea is that the problem is ukraine not wanting to give up donbas, and trump’s job is to find a “compromise.” translation: lets see how much land ukraine can lose before the west gets bored.
- putin wants a “deal” where he keeps what he stole
- kremlin gets sanctions relief
- west calls it a win and moves on
ukraine’s answer? keep sending himars until the only thing left for russia to negotiate is the color of the bus out of crimea.
us political circus: will trump sell out ukraine for a golf course
back in the us, the political circus is gearing up for another round of “will trump sell out ukraine for a golf course?” reuters says the dems are prepping investigations in case trump wins, looking into whether he’ll use the presidency to help his buddies and donors. maga world is split - some want to cut ukraine off, others are just mad they can’t spell “geopolitics.”
the right’s been fighting over russia since the iran war drama, and now every new scandal is just more ammo for the grifters. ukraine’s spent years trying to convince the us right that helping kyiv isn’t just charity, it’s self-defense. but for every lomer who visits ukraine and gets it, there’s a dozen fox news types who think “slava ukraini” is a new starbucks drink.
kremlin cope: exporting lies, importing north koreans
the real kicker is how the kremlin tries to spin all this. every time the west debates ukraine aid, russian state tv goes full “america is collapsing, nato is weak, soon we take berlin.” meanwhile, back in reality, russia can’t even take avdiivka without losing a battalion and a truckload of microwaves. the russian army is fighting at the edge of its capabilities, and the only thing keeping the front from collapsing is a steady supply of mobiks and lies.
nuclear threats are just noise - putin knows using the real thing is a one-way ticket to the world’s shortest retirement. the actual risk is russia trying to test nato with some dumb stunt in the baltics, hoping the west blinks. but every time they try, they get a reminder that nato’s got more than enough firepower and zero patience for kremlin cosplay.
russian economy: meme mode activated
on the ground, the russian economy is a meme. sanctions didn’t turn moscow into mad max overnight, but they did turn “import substitution” into a national joke. “made in russia” now means “hope it doesn’t explode.” the regime’s answer is to print more rubles, steal more from the regions, and tell everyone it’s the west’s fault.
meanwhile, the only thing russians are exporting is themselves - brain drain is the new national sport, and the only people lining up to move to russia are north korean laborers and the occasional wagner reject. the tech boom is happening in ukraine, not moscow. every time a russian official brags about “new innovations,” it’s either a chinese drone with a z sticker or a soviet tractor with bluetooth.
propaganda machine: running out of spin
the propaganda machine is working overtime to keep the circus going. every loss is a “regrouping,” every protest is “foreign interference,” every dead general is a “heroic martyr.” but the cracks are showing. the donetsk miners aren’t buying it, the front line keeps moving the wrong way, and even the regime’s own bloggers are starting to sound like they’re auditioning for a new job in kazakhstan.
the only thing more desperate than the kremlin’s spin is the way they try to launder war crimes through state tv. but no matter how many times they scrub, the stains keep showing up in un reports and satellite photos.
the circus rolls on
so here we are, day 1665, and the only thing that’s changed is the number of graves and the size of the lies. ukraine’s still fighting, russia’s still pretending, and the west is still arguing over how many tanks to send. the kremlin’s dream of a quick win is dead, buried next to the latest general. the donetsk miners are done digging for a regime that treats them like cannon fodder. trump’s still trying to sell “n-rhetoric” like it’s a new maga hat, and the only people buying are the ones who think “compromise” means “let russia keep what it stole.”
the war’s not ending with a handshake or a trump hotel in donetsk. it ends when the kremlin runs out of bodies, lies, and washing machines to steal. until then, the circus rolls on, the propaganda gets weirder, and the only thing you can count on is that every russian “victory” will be followed by a ukrainian advance and a new round of cope from the z zoo. pass the popcorn, the show’s not over yet.
imagine being so free that the bravest thing you do all year is repost the state and pray nobody asks where your son went.
