Trying to “tame” Europe’s right-wing parties for Ukraine is like herding cats, except half the cats are on Moscow’s payroll and the other half just want to scratch your eyes out for fun. People love to talk about “the European right” like it’s one big angry mob with matching torches, but in reality, it’s a zoo: you’ve got everything from suit-and-tie nationalists who just want lower taxes, to full-on Kremlin fanboys who’d sell their own grandma for a Gazprom contract. So, let’s get real - there’s no one-size-fits-all playbook here. Some of these parties are a lost cause, some are just confused, and a few might actually be useful if you know how to play the game.
First, let’s talk about the ones you can’t work with, no matter how many borscht recipes you send them. I’m looking at you, AfD in Germany and Viktor Orbán’s circus in Hungary. These guys aren’t just “right-wing,” they’re basically running a side hustle as Moscow’s PR agency. Russian money, Russian propaganda, Russian talking points - if you want to see what a political party looks like after a decade of drinking Kremlin Kool-Aid, just tune in to their speeches. Trying to win them over is like trying to convince a fish to move to the desert. Not happening. Ukraine could show up with a suitcase full of gold and a signed photo of Zelenskyy doing the Cossack dance, and these clowns would still find a way to say “no” if Moscow told them to.
But here’s where it gets spicy: not every right-wing party in Europe is a Kremlin sock puppet. Some of them are just old-school nationalists, or economic conservatives, or people who think Brussels is the final boss of all evil. They might not love the EU, but they don’t want to see Putin rolling tanks through Warsaw either. These are the folks Ukraine can actually talk to - if you know how to speak their language. Forget the kumbaya speeches about “European values” and “unity.” These guys want to hear about security, borders, and not getting steamrolled by Russia. Sell them on the idea that a strong Ukraine is a buffer between them and the world’s angriest gas station, and suddenly you’re not just another beggar at the EU’s door, you’re the bouncer keeping the riffraff out.
Now, timing is everything, and 2027 is shaping up to be the Eurovision of elections - Poland, France, Italy, Spain, and a bunch of others are all going to the polls. That means the political weather could change faster than a Russian general’s story after a failed offensive. If Ukraine wants to keep the money and weapons flowing, the deals need to be locked in before the next wave of “let’s make Europe great again” types start measuring the drapes in their new offices. Once the aid is baked into EU institutions and budgets, even if someone like Marine Le Pen waltzes into power in France, she can’t just snap her fingers and cut Ukraine off. She can block new stuff, sure, but she can’t undo what’s already signed. So, the homework for Kyiv is simple: get those agreements done now, because tomorrow you might be negotiating with someone whose idea of foreign policy is “ask Moscow first.”
Hungary is the current king of blocking everything just for the hell of it, but don’t sleep on the rest of the field. Today it’s Orbán, tomorrow it could be someone else. The EU loves to pretend it’s all about rules and values, but when push comes to shove, most countries are happy to look the other way if it means keeping the show on the road. The trick is to keep opening doors while you still have the keys, because the next guy might change the locks and throw away the spare.
And let’s not kid ourselves - Europe isn’t exactly rolling out the red carpet for Ukraine’s EU membership. The big dogs in Brussels are dragging their feet, not because they hate Ukraine, but because letting in a country that’s been at war for years is like inviting a tornado to your garden party. Ukraine’s job is to keep grinding, keep ticking off those “reforms” Brussels loves to talk about, and keep pushing for every little step forward. The more doors you open now, the harder it is for some future Orbán wannabe to slam them shut. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, because in politics, the perfect moment is always yesterday.
Meanwhile, back in Ukraine, the defense game is running on what I call “military capitalism.” Forget the Soviet-style “do as you’re told or else” model. Ukraine’s got dozens of competing arms producers, everyone’s hustling, and initiative actually gets rewarded. It’s messy, it’s chaotic, but it works. Compare that to Russia, where everything runs top-down, and the only thing that trickles down is blame. Ukraine’s system is more like a startup - fail fast, learn faster, and if you screw up, at least you’re not getting sent to the gulag. This kind of flexibility is exactly what Europe’s right-wingers respect, even if they’ll never admit it out loud. They love “national initiative” and “local control” - well, Ukraine’s got that in spades.
So, what’s the playbook? First, don’t waste time on the hopeless cases. If a party is basically a Russian franchise, move on. Second, tailor the pitch - talk security, sovereignty, and keeping Russia out of their backyard. Third, lock in support before the election circus starts, because after that, all bets are off. Fourth, keep grinding on reforms and EU homework, because every little win now is insurance against future backsliding. And finally, show off the stuff that actually impresses these guys: resilience, innovation, and the fact that Ukraine’s not waiting for permission to defend itself.
In the end, Ukraine doesn’t need to make every right-winger in Europe fall in love. It just needs to keep enough of them onside to stop the Kremlin fan club from running the show. The rest is just noise. Europe’s right is a mess, but so is war - and Ukraine’s been winning that mess one day at a time. If you can survive Russian artillery, you can survive a few angry populists in Brussels. Just don’t expect them to send flowers.
