russian propaganda watching the houthis run 100 km in a day like they just saw fire for the first time. every z-channel is foaming at the mouth, screaming “strategic genius” like they didnt just lose another tank to a drone and a cornfield. newsruil_oglavnom drops a cope video, vatniks eat it up like its the last buckwheat on earth. lets break down what actually happened, why kremlin tv is obsessed, and why every time they point at someone elses “success,” you should check if their own pants are on fire.
houthis speedrun the red sea
so heres the setup: the yemeni houthis, irans favorite proxy cosplaying as a government, pulled off a 100+ km dash in under 48 hours, grabbed the port of al-mokha, and took perim island. not just a flex for the local map nerds, this is a big deal for anyone who cares about the bab-el-mandeb strait, aka the suez canals little cousin, aka the place where a lot of the worlds oil and shipping has to squeeze through. suddenly, the houthis are sitting on the keys to the red sea, and every russian z-channel is screaming “look, look, this is how you do it!” like a kid showing off a cheat code.
the only thing russia loves more than a “blitz” is pretending they invented it. every time someone else pulls off a fast advance, kremlin media goes full nostalgia mode, like its 1941 and theyre storming berlin again, except this time its a bunch of guys in sandals with iranian drones. the irony? the same week theyre hyping up the houthis for running 100 km, russian troops are still trying to cross the same ukrainian field theyve been stuck in since last winter. but hey, why talk about that when you can point at yemen and yell “success story”?
the cope is so thick you could pave a road with it. russian propaganda latches onto any non-western military win and spins it as proof that “the west is weak, the global south is rising, multipolar world, blah blah blah.” the houthis take a port? clearly, this means the us navy is finished and russias next. perim island gets shelled? must be a sign that the “anglo-saxons” are losing their grip. never mind that the actual russian navy is busy dodging ukrainian sea drones and losing ships faster than they can repaint the hull numbers.
blitzes, but only on tv
lets talk about the “blitz” itself. the houthis moved fast, sure, but context is everything. yemen is a mess, the government is a ghost, and the saudis are too busy counting their oil money to care about the coast. the houthis didnt exactly punch through a nato defense line, they rolled through chaos, grabbed what was left, and called it a day. impressive for yemen, but not exactly d-day. try telling that to a russian z-blogger who thinks every advance over 10 meters is a masterclass in operational art.
al-mokha is strategic, no doubt. control the port, control the strait, mess with global shipping. but lets not pretend the houthis are about to launch a global empire from there. theyre a proxy, playing irans game, and the second tehran says “jump,” they ask “how high?” the real power move is iran flexing on the saudis and the west, not the houthis suddenly becoming the red seas answer to napoleon.
but heres where the russian propaganda brainworms really start to show. every time a proxy force somewhere in the world scores a win, kremlin media acts like its a win for russia too. “see, the west cant stop them, just like they cant stop us!” meanwhile, back in the motherland, the only thing moving 100 km in a day is the price of eggs. the regimes dream is to outsource victory, if they cant win in ukraine, maybe the houthis can win in yemen and theyll just bask in the reflected glory. its like cheering for your neighbors kid because yours keeps eating glue.
geography flex and strategic cope
perim island is 20 km off africa, which means you can lob shells into the strait and make every shipping company sweat. russian propaganda loves this, because its the kind of “strategic depth” they havent had since the soviet union was still pretending to be a superpower. the idea that a ragtag militia can threaten global trade is catnip for the kremlin, they want everyone to believe that the world is just one step away from chaos, and only “strong” regimes (read: dictatorships) can keep the lights on.
but heres the punchline: for all the noise about “blitzes” and “strategic victories,” the russian army hasnt managed a real blitz since they tried to take kyiv in three days and ended up losing half their tanks to a bunch of farmers with tractors. every time they hype up someone elses win, its just a reminder of their own ls. the houthis can run 100 km in a day, but the russian army needs a month and a half to move a kilometer in donetsk, and even then theyre probably going the wrong way.
the propaganda machine doesnt care about facts, though. its all about vibes. if the houthis can do it, so can we! if irans proxies can take a port, maybe russia can take a village! its cope stacked on cope, like a babushkas winter wardrobe. the reality is, russias military is stuck in a meat grinder, their economy is circling the drain, and the only thing they can export reliably is excuses.
multipolar world, one cope at a time
lets talk about the “multipolar world” fantasy. every time a non-western actor scores a win, russian media acts like its the end of american hegemony. newsflash: the us navy isnt losing sleep over the houthis, and the only thing the kremlin is “multipolar” in is the number of ways they can fail. the real lesson here isnt that the west is weak, its that chaos is contagious, and russias main export is making things worse wherever they show up.
meanwhile, the vatniks are glued to their screens, watching grainy drone footage from yemen and pretending its a preview of russian glory. theyll cheer for any “anti-western” win, even if its a bunch of guys in flip-flops with iranian rockets. its the same energy as rooting for the underdog in a fight youre losing, because at least someones winning somewhere. the regime loves it, because it keeps the base distracted from the fact that their own sons are getting chewed up in ukraine for a washing machine and a medal made of tin.
the best part? the kremlins mouthpieces will never admit that the only reason the houthis can pull this off is because their enemies are even more dysfunctional than they are. its not about “genius tactics,” its about rolling through a vacuum. if thats the bar for victory, then russias next big win will be taking over a ghost town and calling it “strategic depth.” spoiler: theyve already done that, and the only thing they found was a broken fridge and a stray dog.
distraction is the real export
so next time you see a russian channel hyping up a “blitz” in yemen, remember: its not about military genius, its about distraction. the regime needs you to believe that someone, somewhere, is winning against the west, because if you look too close at home, all youll see is poverty, corruption, and a war thats going nowhere. the houthis can run 100 km in a day, but the only thing moving fast in russia is the spin cycle on the propaganda machine.
the only real “blitz” happening is the speed at which russian state media jumps from one cope to the next.
today its yemen, tomorrow itll be some other proxy, and the day after that, theyll be back to promising victory in ukraine “by friday.” meanwhile, the rest of us are just watching the circus, popcorn in hand, waiting to see what theyll try to sell us next. spoiler: itll be the same old story, just with a new set of clowns.
russian victory maps are like my gym membership, lots of lines, zero movement.
