We all know this vicious cycle. Life suddenly becomes difficult. Every new day fells like an unbearable challenge. Things just... Aren't fun anymore.
Over a year ago I was in this deep low motivation phase. My work was bugging me so much, the tasks I had were so incredibly unfulfilling that I had a hard time getting up, going to work, and seeing some value in what I was doing. In the end I did it because I felt some kind of loyalty towards my company. I mean I've been there for almost a decade. I've learned a lot, much more than in any other company before. That's what I thought and kept telling myself.
I would say about half of my colleagues were much smarter than I was. That's how I felt. They were incredible at what they were doing and I liked this infinite opportunity to be able to learn from them and become a better version of myself every single day. I wasn't paid a lot. Barely under-average salary, but worked like I was doing a highly paid job. And almost every year, or second, I got a raise of a few percent. Not much and never a raise to where I saw myself.
People started leaving. I stayed. Loyalty and comfort zone above all. I was established where I was. I saw all the good engineers leave the past 3 years. There was nothing much left to learn for me there, except one unfulfilling project after another. Others refused to go on those kinds of projects. I didn't. I was working for the company as if it was mine. Did I receive gratitude for this? Never.
I decided to be open to new opportunities. I really didn't want to do anything as long as it's new, I kept telling myself that if I switch, then at least I want to do something I really love. The technology I love and with people who are committed to a project like I was. People who just work together towards a single mission. There were only a few open job positions for my role once in a while. Once I was refused because I wasn't fluent in the technology they were using. How could they know that within 2 weeks I would be able to ramp up and be on par? I didn't understand it at that time, because I came from a place where people had to adapt fast to new environments. Learning new tools and technologies for every new project. For me it was normal, because I was doing this for a decade. But for the broad market? It turns out most of the developers struggle over years to master something that for me felt fairly simple. Now I understand why they were skeptical.
After some time I found something I was looking forward to. Not something within my comfort zone. A new role I have never executed before. A company that is just willing to give me a shot, knowing I have never done this at the requested scale before. Where I don't have to sell myself during the interview process. A company where everything during the first interview felt smooth and natural. So without overthinking it much, I signed right away whatever they gave me after the interview. It was finally done. Something new to look forward. So I started to prepare my resignation letter for my current company.
This is when I realized, loyalty isn't worth anything at work. It was towards the cold months of the year, and I had almost my entire yearly vacation quota available. So if I quit I would be gone almost immediately. That's why I decided to inform my boss one month early, before the legal notice period, because I didn't want to let them down on that project from one day to another. So that they have time to replace me. It turns out that what they did instead was to carefully screen my contract and to my surprise they found out that I had a whole different legal notice period than what we both thought at first. Because another clause in the contract doubled my notice period. The reason was my long-term commitment towards my company. Over time those notice periods increase for my employer, and if they do they automatically increase for me too.
In the end it was my fault, because that's what I signed in the beginning. But the fun lesson I learned is that instead of letting me go, or finding an agreement, they decided to punish me for being loyal for too long. Now they had the lever over me. Because I wouldn't comply with whatever conditions they were giving me I would be at risk of not being able to start my job at the date I signed for. So I had to "buy" myself out of it. I had to trade in my whole vacation. I can't disclose any details of the agreement, because they made me sign that too. That was not to scare the other employees away and tell them what kind of a mindset the management there really has. I guess. Whatever. I won't look back on this. I decided to look forward, towards my new challenge.
My last day at my old workplace eventually came. The customer I was working for was sad seeing me go, and they let me go with a warm farewell. In that moment I felt like I belonged more to a random third party company than to my own. In my own company there was nothing. Not even the announcement that I would leave. And so another person that worked there for almost a decade just disappeared in the wild. I was thinking a lot about why they would try to give me such a hard time, if the result was eventually the same? Why would they squeeze out every cent of me, if I had been there and loyal to them doing whatever needed to be done to keep this company floating? Why not just close both eyes and let me go one month early, just to show me some gratitude for years of close collaboration? Luckily I didn't have much time to think about this, because the next day I was going to start my new job.
My lesson from this: Loyalty alone in a work environment almost never pays out. Whenever you feel that you are done in one place, there will be another place that will actually give you what you think you deserve. Just keep looking for a while and don't be in a hurry. I've never felt overall better than right now. And I am thankful and grateful that someone finally saw potential in me and is willing to help me build and develop it, in a direction I never thought I would be able to do.
Take care!
Rick.
