Some people are going to try to hold you back from seeking a better life; don't let them
By JD Goulet
Important update: 16 February 2025
I have been collaborating with a grassroots group of international volunteers to build out the Trans World Express wiki site, including writing the page on Portugal and being a point of contact for those considering Portugal. The project is developing and evolving rapidly, but the primary mission is to "assist people under threat from fascism to migrate to safer communities by connecting people with resources to people in need." Our primary scope at the moment, based on current capacity, is to assist "trans people in the US with the means to relocate to a different country and a chance to qualify for residency, by providing them with the information they need, including contacts to support groups and job networks."
If you are seeking information and advice for getting out (including where to go), or if you would like to get involved in helping others seeking advice and information for getting out, please use the latest Contact instructions on the bottom of the main page.
My fiancée and I are in the process of forming a partnership with a well-known and reputable Portuguese immigration law firm, with which we have over two years of experience working with. We have already helped three people get relocated and settled in Portugal and the requests for assistance are growing! We're accepting consultation appointments by request and can help answer questions you have when deciding if Portugal is right for you, including support to help you get settled in Portugal as quickly and painlessly as possible, by helping to find suitable housing and getting it move-in ready. For now, it's best to contact us by requesting access to the Signal group. From there, you can request help in the appropriate Portugal channel. We'll have a proper website up soon!
8 September 2023
Whenever a person endeavors to take on a new challenge, whether it’s trying to make it as a freelance writer or moving to a new country, there seems to be a phenomenon that will reliably happen as surely as our sun rises and sets each day: some people are just going to poo-pah whatever it is you're trying to do. The riskier or more novel your undertaking appears to be to others, the stronger and more numerous their objections seem to be.
I recently wrote about the American Diaspora presently underway, of which I am a part. Almost on cue, I received an unsolicited, naysaying comment on one of the social media platforms where I shared my piece from a person I know from a community I previously lived in.
This “Negative Nancy” angrily insisted that only affluent people had the means to move internationally. The implication was that I, in leaving my country behind, was exercising a privilege of wealth, which is not only untrue, it’s also a harmful idea that I want to nip in the bud.
What's going on here?
First, I want to talk about this naysaying phenomenon, especially in the context of moving away from a community (or country) that no longer meets your needs, because let me tell you, this is a thing you may also encounter if you decide to move. I've heard from several other immigrants that they were also the recipients of unsolicited, negative feedback when they announced their move. Many shared similar stories about people assuming they were doing it for fun and not because they were fleeing for safety.
We didn't disclose our plans to move to Portugal to our friends and family until things were already very much in motion. Our minds were made up and we had no doubts about doing what was best for us, so I did not foresee the very strong, negative reactions a few people would have to the news. I wasn't interested in being argued with. Our decision to move was not up for debate. But once the announcement was made, a barrage of unsolicited feedback missiles were target locked and incoming: you're being reckless, you're overreacting, you haven't thought this through, you won't be any better off.
I was really taken aback by these reactions. Plenty of others were excited for us, several were curious about the details because they had been secretly thinking about it, too, but it had simply not occurred to me that a certain subset of people would be so hostile to something we were doing that had nothing whatsoever to do with them.
I can only guess that there's something psychological at play here, and while I’m no expert on that kind of thing, I think perhaps it causes some people cognitive dissonance. Perhaps our choosing to move internationally challenges some people's need to protect their belief that they live in the best possible place and that even if things are kinda messed up right now, everything is going to be fine eventually (which is an unhealthy and dangerous kind of optimism bias that puts people in harm's way). I suspect our choice to leave must trigger some subconscious fearful emotions, maybe even some unrecognized jealously. How dare you move and not stay and suffer like the rest of us!
Some people were obnoxiously oblivious to our reasons for leaving, too. Several, including former coworkers of mine, wrongly assumed we were going for the adventure and thrill and treated our move like we were going on an extended vacation, which felt like a serious insult to me. We were literally leaving out of desperation to survive, leaving behind the lives we'd built, everyone we cared about, and all of our worldly possessions that we couldn't fit into our suitcases.
We had just bought our dream home and moved in in June, but by late October we could no longer ignore that things were going downhill so badly and rapidly in the U.S. that we started planning to move out of the country. We hadn't even finished unpacking and just had new furniture delivered (to replace furniture our moving company badly damaged), and next thing you know, we're giving everything, including the new furniture, away to friends and donating the rest! People seeking adventure don't do these things, but people running for their lives do.
And so, I want to flip that narrative of our having the privilege to move on its head and suggest that those who think this is so maybe ought to consider they have the privilege to stay. This especially applies to the white, comfortably middle-class naysayers who are in cishet, or cishet-passing, relationships. Every single person with something negative to say about our move has come from this demographic. All of them also live in “blue” states, or in blue cities within purple states.
We left because we calculated the risk of leaving was far less than the risk of staying. After a year of mounting health catastrophes, two of which nearly killed me, and a barrage of overlapping stressors (all traceable to the slow-motion collapse of society), I foresaw an early grave awaiting me if I stayed.
If it wasn't death from rising violence (especially the violence being targeted at queer and gender non-conforming people like me and my other family members) or death from the crumbling and bankruptcy-inducing healthcare infrastructure, a death of despair would come more slowly, but all too soon, from the continuous stress levels that were already working to shut down my body bit by bit.
So, I want the naysayers to understand that your negativity might cause people who have very valid reasons to want to seek a path to safety to succumb to self-doubt about the validity of their fears. You might inadvertently cause their death. Knock it off. Other people choosing to seek a better life isn't about you. You lose nothing by keeping your opinions to yourself. Your unsolicited criticism just further adds to our anguish.
And it was and is anguishing. I, and some of the other U.S. immigrants I’ve talked to here, have had to grapple with survivor's guilt and the knowledge that a lot of people aren't going to make it out. I hate that I feel so powerless to do much about that apart from try to help as many people as I can from a place of safety and to write about all of this to let as many people as I can know about what's going on in the U.S.
Most people I've talked to in Europe have no idea how bad it's gotten in the U.S. The devastating and interconnected effects of hyper-capitalism, massive inequality, racism, political polarization, the militarization of the Police State, and overt fascist Christian Nationalism isn't the kind of news that makes it out of the U.S. and into mainstream news here. Most Europeans get their ideas about Americans based on what they see coming out of Hollywood.
And the thing is, what happens in the United States doesn't stay in the United States. The U.S. has sent its tentacles into the rest of the world so far and so deep, that if it collapses, the rest of the world will be affected (and arguably many or most places would be a lot better off without those meddlesome tentacles, but not without some major political, economic, and social upheaval while the dust settles).
I reasoned that since I can't help make the world a better place if I'm dead, the best way to help those suffering was to get myself to a place where I have a better shot at staying alive awhile longer.
(Okay, deep breaths... reel it in JD…)
Clearing up misconceptions
So, let me address a few of the misconceptions I’ve heard expressed about who has the ability to move out of the U.S., because I hope to help people who might not see themselves as potential immigrants realize it might not be as impossible as you think. It's true some people won't be able to for various reasons, some of which I touched on in The American Diaspora, or will face far more difficult barriers that may be greater than the barriers of staying put, but I’ve talked to a lot of people who had discounted the possibility who realized by the end of our conversation that maybe it wasn't so impossible after all.
No, you don't have to be wealthy to immigrate
Obviously, having a lot of money at your disposal makes an international move significantly easier, but wealth is not necessarily a requirement. If wealth was a requirement for people to immigrate, all the bitching and moaning from politicians about migrants in the U.S., the U.K., and many other more affluent nations wouldn't even make sense. (And really, it doesn't make sense, but that's a conversation for another time.)
No, you don't have to hire an immigration attorney
Another misconception related to the first is a belief that you must spend a lot of money to hire an immigration attorney. False. None of the other immigrants I’ve met in Portugal hired an immigration attorney, as far as I know. In fact, I got chastised by one admin of a Facebook group for hiring one because the point of the group was to provide free DIY immigration resources and crowdsourced answers to questions. Unfortunately, none of the available resources in the group were helpful for figuring our way around our primary hurdle, which was figuring out how to bring an unrelated trans man with us (my son's partner) and deal with discrepancies in his official documentation due to his name change.
I want to keep this from getting too much longer, so I won't go into all the other valid reasons we had in our situation to hire a professional, but the point is most people don't, and even though we did, our attorney accepted payments for his services over time. So if you do think you need one, shop around.
No, you don't have to have a remote job to live abroad
You don't necessarily have to be able to work remotely to move, another common misconception, though it helps if that's an option for you. There are countries seeking people with many different skill sets, countries with job-seeking visas and student visas (and many foreign colleges have entire degree programs in English). Basically, you won't know if you don't start looking into it. The Internet has pretty much all the information you need if you're willing to put the time and effort in, and there are dozens of online groups full of people at various stages on the immigration path helping each other out. I can't go into the many different countries and visa types to explore to find a place that might work best for you in this already-long post, but luckily fellow immigrant and writer Laura Skov covers this very well in How to Get Out.
No, the trip itself won't set you back thousands of dollars
Another misconception I've heard is so wild I'm going to only address it very briefly: the cost of air fare as a barrier to immigration. Unless you are a very large family flying halfway around the world, it's likely not going to be as bad as you think. We spent under $1,500 for a family of four, including fees for 2 dogs and 2 cats and several pieces of additional checked baggage. Many people leaving the U.S. go to Mexico or Canada though, so driving may be an option.
Also, if you watch for deals or buy far enough out, sometimes air fare is surprisingly cheap, even to fly across an ocean. “Cheap” is relative, of course. If you're one of the people being targeted by ads enticing you in America's end-stage capitalist hellscape to finance a pizza for dinner, air fare is probably out of reach for you. And that genuinely sucks. It's also the kind of desperate situation I worried I'd end up in myself if I stuck around. You know what they say about Americans—that the vast majority of us are just one major health issue away from homelessness… yeah, that's literally what my fate was if I didn't do everything in my power to get us the hell out. Which brings me to my final misconception...
No, the cost of living isn't necessarily higher (even in European countries)
The argument about needing to be wealthy really falls apart when you consider the cost of living is relatively lower in much of the rest of the world, yes, even in parts of Europe. Locals receiving local income will probably disagree, and it's true that in some places, immigration from higher-income countries to lower-income countries is causing some problems for locals, but there are ways you can (and should) try to minimize the harm. And of course there are cities in countries that are much more expensive than most cities in the U.S., so we simply didn't consider those ones.
Once you factor in the money you probably won't have to spend on things like expensive utilities, healthcare, transportation, etc., even if apartment rent was higher (which, where we live, it's definitely not), you would still have a lot more money left in your account at the end of the month.
Now, if you're hoping to bring all your belongings with you and to maintain the same lifestyle some luckier people may be accustomed to in the U.S., like living in a big house and having a couple of cars, yeah, you're probably going to need to be pretty wealthy to achieve that. Overseas shipping is pretty expensive, which is why we didn't bring anything but some clothes in suitcases with us. (We did leave a few dear possessions behind to be stored in a relative's house, and we hope to be reunited with those sentimental pieces one day.)
So, how much money it takes might mostly boil down to a matter of assessing what really matters to you and adjusting your expectations. For us, possessions and cars and a nice house weren't sources of happiness or freedom, but rather the consumerist trappings that stole happiness and freedom. We live in a modest apartment here, use public transportation and our feet to get where we need to go, and own nothing more than what we actually need and use, and we feel so much more happy and free now.
One of the ways we sourced money to help us move, by the way, was selling our individual cars and all of us getting by with a single vehicle until the very end. It was challenging, but it gave us the extra cash to make things work. Obviously, this isn't an option for everyone, but one worth considering if it is.
It's worth it, bumps and all
I don't want to sugar coat how stressful an international move can be. We went through some harrowing, unforeseen circumstances. I have cried so much. We got to a point one month where our bank account was so dangerously low that I broke down and asked for a donation in a mutual aid group (thank you to the random stranger who sent $25!). A big part of that was we did not foresee I'd lose my job less than 2 months after moving. But I would have lost it if I’d stayed in the U.S. anyhow and would have been in an infinitely more dangerous situation there. Here, it's not the end of the world.
All our struggles and pain have been sooooo worth it. I have zero regrets and I'd go through all of it again, because our quality of life is dramatically better, and we are safe and surrounded by amazing, talented, caring people from all over the world. I think there's something about Portugal, in particular, that draws our kind of people to it—the kind of people you want to have as friends as WWIII is breaking out and the climate emergency threatens the survival of humanity.
Naysayers gonna naysay, but if you are in a situation where you also calculate that the dangers of staying are greater than the dangers of taking a chance on the unknown, don't let other people's fear and jealousy prevent you from doing what's best for you.
You have a right to seek safety. You have a right to seek freedom. I hope you do, and I hope you find it. You just have to push open that door and cross the threshold…
My fiancée peering through an ornate but rusty gate to a once-grand, but now abandoned estate being reclaimed by nature in Portugal
This was a republication of a newsletter, with minor edits/updates, that was originally shared via Substack, aka the Nazi bar. I'm trying this atproto blog out as an alternative avenue for making connections while avoiding the exploitation and surveillance of the technofascists' walled gardens.
Your interaction with and redistribution of my writing is encouraged and greatly appreciated. If you liked this and you are financially able, please consider leaving me a tip at Ko-fi! My content will always remain free to enjoy, but every bit of support helps me to keep going.
